Feeling disappointed and brittle as I reverse my car out of the garage, I press shuffle play on my ‘Favourite Praise’ playlist, a mix of 27 songs that I’ve collected over the years, songs that speak to me deeply about the character of God and encourage me in my relationship with Him.
I raise the volume to the point where a distorted crackle vibrates through the car speakers, and David Phelps’ rousing rendition of ‘No More Night’ reminds me that a future is coming in which disappointment will be non-existent. The desires of my heart will align with God’s desires for me, and I will find them all fulfilled.
Then the soaring voice of Steve Green encourages me with the lyrics of ‘Find Us Faithful’. Reminding me that a life of faithfulness to God isn’t for the purpose of reward, but rather to bear witness to the beautiful character of God.
These powerful songs give way to a gentle guitar introduction of ‘Give Me Jesus’, and the warm tone of Fernando Ortego sings the truth into my soul that there is nothing in the world that can offer me that which is found in Jesus.
Even with all this lyrical affirmation, I still feel bereft and lonely, and as the final chorus of ‘Give Me Jesus’ began to play, I raise a somewhat pitiful petition:
Jesus, please let ‘Be Still and Know’ be next, then I’ll know that you are listening to me and that you are near.
‘Give Me Jesus’ fades away and there is a beat of silence as the track changes, and in that fleeting pause, I unreliably feel that all my hope of reassurance hangs on the notes I hear next.
The familiar sounds of the mandolin introduction of Steven Curtis Chapman’s ‘Be Still and Know’ echo through the car, and the tears come instantly.
Be still and know that He is God
Be still and know that He is holy
Fat drops of praise roll down my cheeks.
Be still, oh, restless soul of mine
Bow before the Prince of Peace
Let the noise and clamour cease
A messy sniffling of surrender.
Be still and know that He is God
An overflow of deep gratitude.
Be still and know that He is faithful
Consider all that He has done
Stand in awe and be amazed
And know that He will never change
Be still.
And in this moment I am still. And I surely do feel awe and amazement that God would grant me so small a miracle as to direct probability in my favour, desiring that I instantly feel His love and attention.
The song fades to its conclusion and in a moment of doubt I weakly ask for the song to repeat. But God knows best what to say and when, and Sandi Patti’s ‘In The In Between’ began to play.
In the lyrics, the ‘in between’ refers to the seasons of everyday life that stretch out between the highs of life. The waiting seasons, the seasons of routine and rote. The season that has me feeling sore as the bituman passes beneath me.
The song finishes at the very moment I park my car.
God has a final word:
Jesus,
He’s still a faithful friend…
Yesterday, today, and forever.
And in the in between.
My heart retunes to a frequency of abundance, not absence.
And I refocus on Jesus,
my faithful friend,
who speaks to me in song.
Erin Lucie 