“I write about the things that are on my heart and I try to do it honestly.”

My own words about my own writing on the ‘About’ page of this blog.

But tonight there are too many things on my heart and I can’t sort out the important from the unimportant. I can’t figure out what I need to say. Perhaps in moments like these I shouldn’t say anything. Perhaps I should let my fingers lay quiet for another night or two until my uneasy mind settles. But tonight there are too many things on my heart and I can’t stop them from spilling out into words.

In my heart tonight there is sorrow for Ukraine and Russia; heartache for those who are still in wars forgotten by the West; grief for those whose livelihoods have been swept away by murky, unfeeling waters; frustration for the ongoing fight against inequality for so many different groups of people; weariness in the wondering if some wounds ever completely heal; lingering sadness for the loneliness felt by so many during so many months of pandemic; a longing for love; a quiet hum of hope for the future; plans, and ideas, and worries for my eighteen precious students; a restless expectation for more…

And it is one of those nights where the chaos of my thoughts makes me wonder whether I even know myself. And if I don’t even know myself how can I be of any possible use?

Thankfully, when I don’t know myself, when I can’t untangle the thoughts swirling around in the mysterious realm of my mind, there is Someone else who knows me and understands me. Someone else who loves me. And there is nothing I have to do except rest in the knowledge of that love. It’s the knowledge of that love that allows me to be gentle with myself during these troubled nights. It’s the knowledge that makes me sure that I will wake up in the morning ready to give myself to my sphere of influence.

And honestly?

Tonight that’s enough for me.